Built FORD Tough

I’m trying out this new "theme" because i was tired of the blue but it feels like a lot of wasted space on the right side of the page. So we’ll see…I just want something clean and nice and not so dreary! The premade themes on here stink! I need ideas (keeping in mind that I can barely upload a pic on here and am not very savvy!).

First of all, I would like to say that although the Dr has had her final word on our situation, God is not done with it! I am so glad and grateful that good things come from bad situations. Who else but those who know and love the Lord actually get to recognize His hand through bad situations??? I am so grateful for that!

In other news, we FINALLY finished shopping today!!! YAY! I’m excited about a couple of gifts I got Jeff…so excited, in fact, that I rewarded his oh so nice behavior (seriously, huge props to jeff for being cast as the most supportive husband ever to live!) with an early gift! Last night he opened THE SIMPSONS (the movie). It was pretty darn funny. Kind of a bad part here, but at one point Homer tries to make a great escape through a sinkhole and he jumps into it and flicks off everyone symbolizing his victory over the situation except that he is too fat to fit…i guess you have to be there, but its worth seeing. Maybe not buying, but definitely worth seeing if you like stupid humor (which we LOVE!). Oh, and the spider pig song is now my new fav. and I cant stop singing it. I tried to make spud into a spider dog but he wasnt having it. Anyways…go rent it or we’ll lend it to you for a good (clean) laugh.

Oh, and Jeff finally shopped for my gifts this week (your tax dollars at work here people!) on the city’s time of course…just kidding…it was on lunch (i think). And my aunt say’s he’s done well this year. Oh, btw, we always end up arguing at Christmas about how much to spend on each other because I just kindof buy for him till i’m done and somehow i end up buying some big ticket items for "us" after thanksgiving when everything is on sale and somehow he ends up saying that the big ticket items (ie: new digital camera this year b/c ours was messed up) is suddenly MY christmas gift. What a crock! He should feel lucky that I wait till they go on sale instead of buying it when i wanted it back in june! Point being…everything is bought and I’m excited about it all! We are ready for Christmas and New Years and are ready for a fresh start…for every part of life!

The Dr confirmed today that the baby was in my tube. She gave us the option of surgical removal where you run the chance of losing a fallopian tube with the upside being that you can be certian that the problem is gone, or a more conservative method of treating the pregnancy with medicine. The downside to that is that it takes a while to be sure that it has worked and even then (on rare occasion) you may still need surgery. Needless to say, we chose the route that keeps our fertility in tact. So we headed upstairs to the hemotologists office (fancy word for blood cancer doctor) and he explained to us again the options but agreed that I am a great candidate for the medicine since I am only 6 weeks along. So after giving blood AGAIN I got a shot of methatrexate.

It is all sad, but we are strong because of the strength of our friends, our family and our Lord! Thank you all so much for everything. We are so sorry for the disappointment that we are all sharing.

I had more bloodwork done today and will get my hcg levels tomorrow when we go in for the ultrasound. Unfortunately, i am cramping pretty badly and some other girl stuff that i wont post here so as not to freak out all the guys, but i’m not feeling so great about it all right now. Anyways, Jeff and I are both in good spirits and are grateful for all the Lord has been teaching us this past couple of weeks. To learn to trust Him, to lean on Him, to realize that He has blessed us with great friends and family. BTW, huge props to our families who have unconditionally loved and supported us and who have never once put the emphasis on the pregnancy but rather been concerned only with the wellbeing of myself and Jeff. I cant tell you how much it has meant to us! So we have learned alot…and we had alot to learn. Just when you think your doing fine…the Lord has a way of reminding us just how much we need Him. I am truly grateful for this experience, no matter the outcome. I have been humbled, striped of my pride and reminded just how incapable I am of doing anything on my own. And I am all the better for it. It has drawn Jeff and I closer together than ever before and that is priceless. It has drawn our families closer to the Lord. These are all things to PRAISE GOD for! So whatever brings him glory.

In fact, i was telling a friend today this very thing. Jeff and I have been praying for some certian family members of ours to come to a closer relationship with Christ for a long time. We have asked the Lord to use us to minister to them, to witness to them…anything! Little did we realize that this situation has accomplished that very prayer! We never wanted to be used this way…seriously…who thinks "Lord, let something difficult happen to me to draw my family to you". No. We think of nice things like being able to witness verbally and all the sudden their life is changed. But in this case, we have seen God say to us "ok, if you are willing, I know just the thing to draw them close to Me". So yes, Lord, we are willing, no matter the circumstance (easier said when you dont have a clue whats to come…thank the lord for faith! haha!). Just use our lives to impact the world around us.

And we are honored that he is doing just that. And through our friends and family praying for us, you all have indeed impacted our world.

We love you ALL. We will update things tomorrow night after the ultrasound and we know something more solid. Please pray for our families, who I fear may be more disappointed than we (not because we dont care, but because we’ve had longer to get used to the idea that the Lord may have had other plans for this pregnancy in particular). Pray for continued trust and obedience on our part. Thank you!

I know that contextually speaking that the Lord is telling us to be able to give account for our hope in Him and we typically assume that means for salvation. But I have found that our hope in Christ is for every part of our lives! It is becasue of the confidence I have in my God and in the fact that I KNOW HE created this child inside of me that I have HOPE that things may be fine! Wouldnt it be something to go to the Dr on Tuesday and for my baby to be visible…almost as if to say "hey, you finally found me!".

I dont want you to think that i am at all ignorant to the possibility that this may be exactly what the Dr suspects…a tubal pregnancy. But nor am I at all convinced that it is that either! My Dr wants to be able to visualize the sac after a hcg level of 1500 and much of her concern comes from the fact that my level was over that (by such a small amount, only 1724, i think). BUt according to wikipedia (yes, i’m a wikapedia fan!…its the source of all "truthiness" according to Steven Colbert..haha!) a differential diagnosis between a normal early pregnancy and a tubal pregnancy should not be made until hcg levels have reached or exceeded 3000! So I will definitely be past that point by Tuesday and it will be easier to accept whatever we find as truth. But as of now, I HOPE!!!

Also, my cramping in my lower left side has been consistent since the weekend I found out I was pregnant. No better, no worse. I’m not taking meds, i’m not doubled over in pain…in fact its only noticeable when I am not busy and i think about it. So I also have concerns as to if the pain could be caused by my cyst that they found last week…or for that matter…maybe my baby is hiding behind the cyst!

Also, i am considering asking for a 2nd opinion within the practice from a Dr with much more experience. Not that I think my Dr is wrong or bad, but she may be more cautious than another Dr. And ultimately, if the baby is in the tube, I will have no choice, but until they SHOW me that baby in the tube, i’m not ready to make a decision that could end the life of a potentially viable child! OUR child. Anyways, thats the latest scoop. So will you pray with us for our baby to come out of hiding! Only in utero and already causing trouble…yep! Thats our kid!

We have been on quite the rollercoaster in the past week. We have been hesitant to announce this but we are pregnant. We are about six and a half weeks and I have been experiencing some "complications" with spotting and cramping. I know that can be normal sometimes, but for me it seems to be less than normal. I have had 2 ultrasounds so far and the baby (or sac) is not visible in my uterus. So it appears that we may have an ectopic pregnancy. My hormone levels are going up as they should but the Dr’s cannot find the sac and I am having pain in my lower left side. So, as of today my Dr said she would prefer to go ahead and give me methatrexane to make me "terminate" but that since we want the preganancy she will recheck my blood levels on Monday and repeat the ultrasound on Tuesday just to be sure. She seems confident that its a tubal pregnancy but since she also couldnt find the sac in the tube, she said we can wait a couple more days. However, she has said that if the pain worsens to get to the E.R. asap because it could rupture my fallopian tube. WOW.

So as far as Jeff and i are concerned, we are mentally drained. We desire the Lords will. Period. We are praying that the "small chance" that this could be a normal pregnancy will prevail and that everything will be fine. That would be ideal. But ultimately, we want to come out of this and be able to give glory to God for whatever the outcome…and that is easier said than done. I always thought I trusted the Lord with everything! But as it turns out, i’ve never gone through anything that I had ABSOLUTLEY NO CONTROL OVER!!! That is when you learn how much you really trust Him. So if nothing else, this has been a real test of faith and I pray (literally) that we can come out of this stronger in our hope, trust and belief of our God than ever before.

So, as you all sit on pins and needles with us over the weekend, please pray for protection for me. Please pray for our walk with the Lord and feel free to pray for a miracle. God has done more with worse odds, so we trust that He has control over this situation. Thank you all for your concern and lov and prayers. We will try to keep this blog updated so you can continue to pray for us as God leads.

Please be praying for Jeff and myself this week. I will post more later as to why.

This past weekend Jeff and I accompanied my mom and grandmother to Pigeon Fordge. We went to Dollywood and the Gatlinburg aquarium. I have pics and stuff i want to post but right now i have an entry way of my house filled w/ gifts from black friday that need wrapping and people coming over this weekend. So for now, this was my teaser.