Built FORD Tough

Its waining. I work with the youth at our church and i seriously have just fallen in love with some of the girls. They are typical teens with typical drama, but they are growing and learning from all of it. But when you hit a snag its Killer! When someone doesnt appreciate spiritual guidance, no matter how good my intentions are, i feel defeated and start questioning if i’m even right. I dont want to be anyones mom…but i love having the opportunity to share my mistakes hoping someone can learn something from it. But when you work with someone who is determined to make their own way in life and who doesnt care for your advice or to learn from your mistakes, it totally shoots your confidence. At least it does mine. Then i wonder if i should even work with youth. And i wonder if i get overly involved in their lives. That 2nd part is probably true. Thats my mistake, i guess. But being involved lets you know they care and that your willing to bear their burdens with them, or so i thought.

I’m determined to not let satan use this situation. I was watching charmed friday and it was about a darklighter who gave people bad luck and then convinced them that everything was their fault and that they should just stop trying to help people. It was in efforts to keep people from becoming whitelighters (like angels). I thought it was so funny that God would use such a crazy/wacked out show to speak to me. I guess when i’m desperate for encouragement and not getting into my word to find it, He resorts to using whatever he has to to reach me. I’m so grateful for that. So i dont want to be discouraged from working with youth, but i do want to learn from this…how can i be a better mentor? Should i even be called that? That seems like such a grown up word and implies perfection of some sort. Diciple-er. Thats me. someone who has made almost every mistake and wants to share them with others so that they can see what’s coming. But i’m so bad at it…

advice? seriously…i could use it if you would take the time to give it.

This tuesday was kinda a bust. Sort of. I got up early and was on my way to work. I was on track to be about 10 minutes early (which if you know me…this is a miracle!). I was on 29 around Rhodes Jordan park when the person in front of me stopped kinda suddenly. I stopped and had PLENTY of room between the two of us. Then i looked back to make sure the person behind me didnt hit me. Phew, he didnt. Then, bang…he did. The girl behind him had hit him and pushed him into me. So i pulled into the gas station right there and so did both of the other vehicles. Then, the man who hit me got out and started saying "why did you stop? i didnt hit you".  "um…yes, sir you did", i replied. He proceeded to insist that he did not and wanted to know where he had hit me (the bumper, obviously…dummy) and as we examined my car i noticed a couple of areas where his paint from his  car was on mine (no big deal…it didnt scratch my car, just buffed his paint onto mine…totally fixable) AND that the screws from his plate on the front of his car had made 2 tiny indentions in my bumber. He was adamant that his car couldnt have done that until he looked at the front of his car and saw the screws. HA! stupid man..i knew i was right!

Then his wife proceeded to say "so, are you gonna say now that your neck hurts?" UGGGG! how RUDE? "obviously not" i replied. THEN she said…"you have more scratches on your front bumper than that caused" BULL CRAP! I explained to her that i have BUG GUTS on my bumper like anyone else but NO scratches and that my car is 9 months old and HAS NOT been in a wreck. But in all seriousness, i said that very nicely. I dont know why. I just kept thinking "what if i get the opprotunity to invite them to church. Maybe not today, but sometime down the road…i dont want to ruin my testimony". THEN…

the man said "HONEY, how old are you?". Oh, that was IT! Honey? I dont think so. So i said "old enough to know that when i buy a vehicle brand new without any scratches or dents that it is MY right to keep it in that condition". YEAH! Then he tried telling me that if i filed a claim for something like this MY insurance would go up. Do i look stupid? I know i look young…but even as a teen i knew better. So i said, no sir, unfortunately YOUR insurance may be affected, but seeing as how i am not at fault, i would not expect for my insurance to be involved at all. AND that unless the damage was over $750 then his insurance premium should not go up either. He, of course, said that wasnt true. I told him that was the case with my insurance and he said "yeah, i’d like to know what insurance YOU have" scarcastically. STATE FARM idiot!

Ok, so your gonna think i’m a wus, but i didnt end up calling the police OR filing a claim. I just kept thinking of all the times i’ve made driving mistakes and how grateful I am that people have been nice enough to let very minor things slide. I did NOT make that decision based on him or his wife and how they treated me…because honestly, he was a total JERK who is married to a JERK! And as much as i would love to call and let them know that i’m not filing a claim but that the decision wasnt based on how they treated me, i think its best if i lose his number.

The whole morning was so frustrating! But i’m trusting that what satan means for evil, God can use for good. That includes ME. My fleshly desire was to return evil for evil…to not let anyone talk down to me. But at church that night i was sharing this story w/ a couple who is such a mentor to us and jim said something that totally humbled me. I was sharing how a couple of weeks ago i went into a bar/grill down the road to order chicken fingers to go and i got carded (you have to be 21 to even be in a bar like this…rough…but close and good food). I was so irritated. I didnt want alcohol, just CHICKEN…and i was a little rue to the lady because ONCE AGAIN, she called me honey. Pet peeve: do not call me honey…its condensending. But i went back and apologized to her for being a little rude and she proceeded to be hateful (i guess so that she had the last word). I bit my tongue, but wanted to scream.

Point being, i was sharing this w/ jim and debbie and jim reminded me that God may continue putting me in situations where people talk down to me until i learn to handle myself differently. OUCH. Seriously, that makes me want to cry. 1st of all, i realized how prideful i am. Jesus was run all over and turned the other cheek and loved people. Who am I that people should show me respect? and 2nd, why does God insist on continuing to work with me. I am SO difficult. And so humbled.

I’ll write more later on what god has been doing. I’m not liking it…but find myself in awe of HIM and His plan. Sorry this was so long. But in the words of morgan…its my blog and my perrogative. Haha!

For Jeff’s bday I bought him the P90X series of DVD’s. Its a workout set of video’s compiled by Tony Hornton and is based on the theory of muscle confusion. There are 12 dvd’s and based on which week you are in it tells you which workout to do each night. We just completed our 1st week. And its official…i am a big, sloppy, gooey glob of fatness. I am out of shape and this is kicking my butt…literally. Jeff and I are doing it together in our basement and it calls for you to work out 6 nights a week and most are an hour or more. Yoga is an hour and a half and I have come to loathe yoga.

But i am NOT going to be negative…the great news is that I am soon to be a rock hard body fit for any string bikini. Well, its a nice dream. If i could get rid of the love handles and keep my butt and thighs from having the dimples that i wish my other cheeks had, i’d be quite pleased. So far, i weigh the same. But i’m gonna do before and after pics. No, i will NOT post them for all to see, but i do think that i will better be able to gauge how i’m doing. So YAY!

But morgan, have no fear…i am still the founder of the OEA club (overeaters anonomous).

AND! I’m drinking lots more water. Unfortunately it makes me need to pee more often and my butt hurts so bad to sit on the toilet, yet my thighs shake if i try to squat. So its a win-win situation, you see!

Oh, and in other news! I got rear ended today. I’ll blog tomorrow more about the lovely way my day started.

 Trevor. Isnt he cute?!

Anticipation..It can be great, right! You anticipate your hubby coming home and the kiss you will share. You anticipate the sun rising tomorrow and how beautiful it will be. But my anticipation is quite different.

I have figured out that I anticipate everything that I cannot control and everything that may go wrong. I am a pessimist! I HATE that about myself. I fight against it like crazy but as soon as spring comes i start dreading the dark cold days of winter and know that each beautiful day we enjoy is one day closer to that dreaded winter day. I wake up on Fridays knowing that the weekend will go so fast and that before I know it Monday will return. I dread. I am missing out on what is NOW! This is a huge fear of mine…that life will pass me by and all I will have done is dread the inevitable. I do not want to be this way and while I Know without a doubt that the Lord can help me overcome this, I am also a big believer in taking positive steps to show desire and lets face it…it is hard to retrain your mind to function otherwise. Am i not trusting the Lord enough? Probably not…and i know that alot of this has to do w/ my ridiculous control freak nature…but I also know that I am not the 1st person created w/ this personality trait. God must have some way of using this for good, right?! He uses all for His glory, if given the opportunity!

So please…pray for me…but PLEASE! give me some feedback on how to be a positive and uplifting person.

She’s doing really well. She has a little ways to go yet but is doing great. She is very determined to be able to do what she wants this summer and is on her way to making sure she can! Rehab is great (leg rehab…not for drugs..haha!) and the P.T. (physical therapist) is impressed w/ her progress. Thanks for all the prayers.

I had surgery once when I was 6 to have a tonsillectomy and again at 12 to have a lymphnode removed from my neck. Both times I wanted it to sound more dramatic than it was so i would draw out the word and say I had had "suuuuuurrrrrrrrrrgerrrrrrryy". And now I will give the use of the word to my mom who just went through her, oh, i dont know…20th suuuuurrrrrrgerrry.

She had her knee replaced 6 or 7 years ago and the hardware had worn out. Didnt know that could happen, apparently it can. But I have to say…she’s been tough! She is putting a good amount of weight on it and has done just as the dr ordered. So we are all hopeful for a quick recovery. She desrves it. So please be praying for her…for no random falls or injuries…she’s slightly accident prone. Sorry Mama, but you are. It kinda goes along with that "bull in a china shop" mantra you got going for ya…

So prayers are appreciated! I know its supposed to get nasty this weekend but the last few days have really got me hoping for a quick recovery for her so that she can enjoy the nice spring!

So it was less of a bash and more of a bust. Jk..well, sort of. The day started with my signature breakfast meal for him (his favorite). Choclate covered krispy kremes. Yum. Normally he eats the whole half dozen but today he only ate 3. So that was some dicipline.

As far as gifts are concerned we always seem to have issues here. He tells me a couple of things he wants, I try to throw him off by telling him we cant afford both things or that I cant find one and he ends up getting everything he wants for himself a week or so before his bday (or christmas, or our annivesary). The boy has serious issues. Hes a brat. He wants what he wants and doesnt want to wait to get it. Who am i to talk? I am pretty demanding myself, but the thing is…gifts are one of my biggest love languages. So i LOVE to tease and taunt and then get the most rockin gift…its fun and I love for him to be suprised. But i dont think he has been suprised in about 5 years. So he bought himself a holster for his 45 (yes, a gun…he carries a 38 at all times but now wants to carry the bigger gun…no, he doesnt need to compensate…yes, he is a bit of a redneck and more importantly he feels the need to protect his family. namely me. I dont mind). That was a rabbit trail, eh? So I bought for him P90X. Its a series of workout videos. They are based on the theory of muscle confusion. Thats  another blog for another day…

And I made dinner for him. Grilled steak (ribeye…yum, but fattening!), field peas, homegrown greenbeans, and brown rice. And for dessert, his favorite: banana pudding. My mommie came over and ate w/ us. It was nice.

Now i’m gonna catch flack from my mom for not having her over…sorry mom! You were in the hospital still (yet, another blog for yet another day…). Which also explains why we hit an all time low attendance for a family members bday bash. My mom had knee surgery Tuesday, his parents are out of town, my cousins are on spring break…so it was Mommie, Jeff and myself and my 2 aunts stopped by on their walk w/ the doggies for a bite. Spud kept trying to hump Dixie (a boston terrier) so they had to leave.

And thats about it. It stinks to work on your bday! But it was a beautiful day and SURVIVOR comes on tonight! And we’re going bowling tomorrow night w/ our sunday school class so that should be a fun time as well. More to come later…

 I cooked! I think for the first time in a couple of months. We live on sandwiches and cereal. This is why i need to be closer friends w/ Rebecca…haha!

Menu: grilled salmon, grilled corn and broccli slaw.

Healthy, easy to make, and not burned. Who could ask for more?

I’m tired of thinking about having a family. I’m loving the one I have right now…the one God has entrusted to me. So until I learn to be completely content and grateful for what I have, we are taking a break on growing a bigger one.  Just thought I’d share. All the thinking is STRESSFUL and I’m tired of focusing on what "might be" and want to focus on what is. Arent they great? By the way…Jeff’s shirt was my Daddy’s and its is SO funny. For 2 reasons. 1: its a size medium. Jeff is a Large. 2: Its light blue w/ a rainbow sky scene on it and reads "Keep working for the Lord. The pay isnt much but the retirement plan is outta this world".

No, he’s not gay. He just looks that way sometimes. And yes, he does wear it out of the house…as frequently as he can. If it wasnt Daddy’s, i’d burn it.  I love that my husband doesnt care AT ALL what people think about him. obviously.

And this pose totally reminds me of the scene in Joe Dirt when he’s working the carnival and they show random shots of him posing provacatively. Yep…thats my hubby!