Reality
I was lying in bed this morning, thinking about how much I want a new mattress! We went looking at some last night and now i must have one. Interestingly enough, we just bought ours less than a year ago. A sealy postrupedic… but its too firm for us and we cant sleep. A year of that will totally make you not care that you just spent a massive amount on one mattress.
Anyhoo. Thats not why i’m writing. I was lying on my back and i pulled up my shirt to see my belly. It pokes out some when i’m standing up, but its always done that. I have the curse of gaining weight in my midsection. Somewhat easy to hide, but super ugly in a bathingsuit. Well, at any weight I have been able to lay on my back and my stomach is flat (all the fat goes around back i guess). But today, the lower part of my tummy poked on out there, all proud and everything. I was SHOCKED. Like i said, I’ve only gained 1lb! But the tummy is filling out. Now, i know that my jeans get uncomfortable after a bit and i’ve resorted to not buttoning them (thank goodness its fall and sweaters hide that part). Point being…
This has honestly not seemed real to me. I know that they say theres a baby growing. I see the ultrasounds. I heard the heartbeat. But it just doesnt seem real. Not in a "cool, this is surreal" kind of way, but in a this really just doesnt seem real way. I dont know if its because i’m hesitant to get used to the idea because of the past experiences or what…
There are times when i realize just how real it is and I get very excited. I’m getting all sappy lately, thinking of my childhood and wanting my kids to have great memories like I do.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? And when will it change? When i feel it kick? I just have so many questions as to when this will all be more real than I can imagine…
